so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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