you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
