My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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