Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
