My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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