The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
