some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize