Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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