i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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