i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize