This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
