Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
