Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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