This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
