I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
