My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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