my vag is so smooth its legendary
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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