He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
