I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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