her vagine was all disorganized.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
