I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
