He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize