Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
