p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
