listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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