All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
