Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
