She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
