at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
