I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
