OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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