know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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