i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
