i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
