Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
whose parrot is this?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
