Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
