im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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