I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
