Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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