i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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