I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
