I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize