Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
