So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
