I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
