how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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