So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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