You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
