i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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