ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
