i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish my penis had a tongue
im holly from the hills drunk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
