Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I supernannyed him into submission
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
