apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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