The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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