3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
