So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
