not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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