I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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