My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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