This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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