Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
