I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize