do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
