I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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