My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
