just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
