took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
