if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
