This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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