So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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