How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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