It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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