Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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