I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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