Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
