I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
