.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
