i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
