Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
