My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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