belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
