It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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