WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
