Everything about him screamed your future.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
