come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
