there's paper in my vomit.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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