If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
