They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
