Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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