I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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