I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize