i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
