Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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