I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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