anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
