my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
