so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize