As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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