dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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