I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
