Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
