Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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