yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
